The Care of Tweens and Other Magical Creatures

boy walking

Raising a Tween is serious business about magic, specifically the care of magical creatures and all things childhood magic related and you should not be reading just any old parenting how to manual. Take it from someone who has finished raising two and currently raising one, and still sane enough to speak in English. Creating magic and maintaining the facades of magical creatures roaming a parallel universe was easy when they were babies and toddlers because frankly, they will believe anything you say or show them. They see magic in anything and I mean anything, from your wet snotty sneezes,…

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Chap 32 The Breakfast Porridge Apocalypse School Run

porridge

**This is a chapter from series of running chapters of how newly arrived mum Megan tries to survive the most dangerous place of earth – the school playground ** Well, she ‘tries’, with her Overactive imaginative style!   Darn, the sky was already light and I could hear the morning chirpings, which only meant one thing – I was bloody late for the morning school run. The nippy cold wind was not as cold as the panic, which seized me as I realized that I had left Sean, my partner, in charge of the morning school run for the first…

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ADOPT A BLOGGER!

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The Agent was so disappointed that she did not qualify for any of the Tots100 and Britmums Awards even though many lovely people did try to sneak her in, just because she lived in a different time zone. Why is there so much discrimination against GMTs? It is on her cards to organise a petition and march against time zone discrimination. So in order to be eligible for next year, I am placing an ad in the blogger-verse, well in advance for a UK someone to adopt the Agent, in time for next year, please.   “WANTED : ADOPT A…

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Mommy Wants A Date

coffee

I walked into the crowded room, the noise from the tipping of jigsaw puzzles unto the floor was absolutely deafening. There was hardly a clean spot on the mat with the hot sweaty mess of writhing and wriggling bodies and the looks of resignation from the older people who had to contort themselves “sitting” on the floor, trying to match random smallish jigsaw pieces which just did not want to co-operate. Bam!  I saw her. She simply drew my breath away. She probably would not look like much to anyone else, another overtired caffeine fuelled Plain Jane Mom but to my strained eyes,…

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World’s FIRST Father To Hear Newborn Cry At Night

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(The Tele-Gaffe) – First time father, 26 year old Alex Green has doctors baffled as he has been confirmed to be the World’s First Father to hear his newborn cry at night. The Green Family knew something was very wrong the first night they brought baby, Vivian home. “We read all the baby books and they all say that Fathers can’t hear their babies cry,” said his wife, 43 year old Drew, “It’s something to do with male organs being smaller or something. So we were all prepared for me to do the waking up!” That night, Drew had put Baby…

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What to buy for Mother’s Day when you’re not allowed at Target?

Happy Mother's Day

It is that time of year again, when adult children make the long journey home or a long distance phone call to pay homage to the most important human person in their lives and try their luck and pray to the God of Mom Logic that this is the year they will solve a question more perplexing than the “Riddle of the Sphinx” – the oldest and trickiest question ever known to Homo Sapiens : What does a mother really want for Mother’s Day from her Adult Children? Especially when you are now too adult to shop at Target? It…

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I Have Chosen Not To Forget

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I will never forget the day I had no choice but to count the number of surfaces my child or I would touch on a given day. It was a day in March 2003 and SARS, a highly contagious coronavirus which causes a severe form of pneumonia had made an appearance in my normal “The Middle” meets “Modern Family”, very much like your kind of life. I took my son to playgroup late and with mismatched socks, nursed my newborn in unimaginable places and awkward positions, had morning coffees with other women who also had no idea who they managed to get…

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My Daughter Wants A Penis!

mother-daughter

When my daughter was four, she had a strong desire to be a boy. She refused to wear dresses, play with “girls”, “girl toys”or “girl games”, and she would even pee standing up. She was convinced that her “penis” would grow out of her vagina and she would one day become a boy. “My daughter wants a penis!” I said to my feminist self angrily, “Just what is so special about having a penis that makes her want one?” I had spent my whole life smashing glass ceilings, achieving awards and advancing in a male dominated field and yet my…

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The 10 Commandments of Surviving Toddler Swimming Lesson Hell

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It is another cold and wet winter day as Mummy and toddler wander aimlessly from aisle to aisle in the supermarket, like they have been doing for the last 40 days. When they become weary and parch, they set up camp at the local Coffee Bean but this day is about to become worse, oh yes, much much worse. And this Mummy knows this. The Barista will smile empathetically at the Mummy as she passes her her usual order of double expresso while the toddler wails at the injustice that he cannot have orange juice AND a babycino. The little…

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We’re coming to get you, Formula Feeders!

breastfeeding

WARNING : This post contains extreme humour, strong feelings and objectionable material to some people. Rated : MH – Mature Humour – Do not bother reading if you do not have one.   HOT PRESS RELEASE!!! “Wherever you hide that tin of formula,….we’re coming to get you, Formula Feeders! We’ll be in your kitchen, checking your bottles and throwing out your tins of formula! We are the mighty “Breastfeeding Boobs Squad” (BBS). We have heeded the call of Jamie Oliver and we, the BBS who have dedicated our boobs to breastfeeding. We swear on our boobs that we will hunt…

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