Browsing CategoryThe Secret Diary of Agent Spitback

Chap 32 The Breakfast Porridge Apocalypse School Run


**This is a chapter from series of running chapters of how newly arrived mum Megan tries to survive the most dangerous place of earth – the school playground ** Well, she ‘tries’, with her Overactive imaginative style!   Darn, the sky was already light and I could hear the morning chirpings, which only meant one thing – I was bloody late for the morning school run. The nippy cold wind was not as cold as the panic, which seized me as I realized that I had left Sean, my partner, in charge of the morning school run for the first…

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Chap 31 The Price of Cake, Wine, A Good Mother, and the other stuff


**This is a chapter from series of running chapters of how newly arrived mum Megan tries to survive the most dangerous place of earth – the school playground ** Well, she ‘tries’, with her Overactive imaginative style!   The morning was dark, cold and wet and I still managed to parallel park perfectly. The whistling of the wind would normally be an eerie accompaniment to my cacophony of morning chaos but there was no chaos this morning. I had purposely left the house before any of my children awoke. I must not dally, and I must not get distracted. I must be on…

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Chap 30 The Birthday Party Invite Hit


Onnnnnnneeee…… Beads of perspiration were running down my face. I wish I could say it was ruining my make up but I don’t wear make up. My eyes were getting blurry and my glasses were getting all fogged up. Ttttttwwwwwoooooooo….. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. Why did I even bother? Why did any sane person ever bother to do this? I know it was in all the “Good White Lie” Magazine but this was beyond ridiculous. This was harder than putting on a cloth diaper on a wriggling baby. Ttthhhh…..Oooooohhhh…..Owww…Oooowwww… I really needed to concentrate but there was a throbbing…

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Chap 29a A Break Up letter to Free Time


*This post is a legal addendum to “Don’t say the F word!”   Dear Free time, I am so sorry to have to say this but I have to stop seeing you. I have never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would ever say this to you. There was so much screaming and shouting of denying or refusing, all from me, I might add. You have only been so gracious, so understanding and so kind to me. I do not deserve you. I never cherished or treasured you till it was too late. I still remember the day we…

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Chap 29 Don’t say the F word!


The clouds were dark and heavy with rain. There was a storm brewing as leaves were floating and dancing all around me. I walked as fast I could to get back home. There was a salty scent of rain in the air mixed with excitement, tension and nervousness as it comes with any impending storm. The day was dreadful, dark and dreary and there was a storm brewing, but I was absolutely happy. With my laundry plans thrown out of the window, I suddenly had 6 hours to myself. I could not go to the shops to get the ingredients…

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Chap 28 The Parent Trap


It was so hot and muggy that I could feel the sweat dripping off my face. It made my collar damp and I prayed that I had sprayed enough deodorant to cover a whole corn field. I could hear the sounds of the swirling sound of the overhead fan as I rushed to my seat. I was so late. How could I be so late? Why did I have to get distracted by the funny cat video on Youtube and why did I have to watch it and then share and then comment! Then watch the next one on the…

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Chap 27 The Mummy Stalker


“Come on out!” “I’m not! School’s not safe.” “School IS SAFE!” “It’s NOT!” “Don’t be scared.” “I AM NOT SCARED!” “You are too!” said Sean. “Killer looks, blank stares, gossip bombs, the strategies, the planning, the dodging…the female diseases, I might not survive at all,” I cried while locked in the laundry room, “It’s the MOST dangerous place in the world and you’re making US go there everyday!” “The kids are fine. YOU’RE the one who is scared,” my husband said while I could hear him munching on something whatever that will not put a single gram on his manly…

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Chap 26 What Do Mums really Do?


As I was waiting to be presented to her royal highness, Queen Bee of all Honey, Tabitha, who sat there in her beautiful cream coloured spotless blouse with pressed black slacks in her crown made out of pasta, cardboard and glitter, she was making an Excel list on her iPhone, marking off a checklist on her iPad and showing casing her portfolio on her MacBook. She looked immaculate and amazing. The kind of person I dream I am at night. All of a sudden, my white dress felt childish and my Jenny Chin shoes felt inadequate. She was the blooming…

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Chap 25 The Most Unoriginal Mummy Idea Ever

Decorative antique edison style light bulbs against brick wall background

There were five tables with strange items for a P&C (PTA) meeting set around and some chairs placed at the back. There were knives, chopping board, bits of food, uniforms, photographs, plants etc. Mmm, maybe there was going to be a talk and probably a slideshow of some kind? I was up for some entertainment tonight. There could be some wine and cheese as well. I was strangely surprised at how calm I was. I quickly went to the seat that was farthest behind and behind a pillar. I squeezed past Melanie, a new migrant mother who only spoke English from…

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Chap 24 When you should keep your promise

Cannoli Siciliani

“You have to go.” OMG, it was going to be one of those long days. I could already feel my blood pressure rising. “No!” “Yes!” Little beads of perspiration were already forming, threatening to murder my make up. “NO! You’re not the boss of me and you can’t make me.” “MUMMY, YOU have to go. You promised you’ll go to the meeting at school today. They’re looking for Mummy Volunteers.” Ethan said sternly from behind the locked door.   A promise, A Parent’s Promise –often made in a haze of “I’m not really listening but just nodding so that you’ll…

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