Photo Credit : © Marcin Sadlowski/fotolia



The targets would be easy today, I thought to myself.

I saw two friendly looking women hugging and kissing each other and actually chatting to each other with real smiles. They were dressed in almost identical outfits with the same shoes. I smiled to myself as I had a plan, a very good plan and my targets actually looked almost normal today.

I gripped my weapon tightly in my hand as I walked confidently towards them.

“….It was the last one and I was just too late. I had reached out to grab it and then this lady just took it off me. The Last Minion Toy that was on offer!”

“Ultimate Minion playset?” I murmured as I squeezed myself into the conversation, “I saw another..…”

“Yes, that’s the one,” said the blonde with sunglasses who actually turned and looked at me. She did not even flinch at me interrupting their conversation so rudely.

“$49.95?” I asked with a smile. I had done my research.

“Yes…yes…” the other curly haired mum looked at me suspiciously.

“At Target?” I asked again.

“Yes…” the blonde girl whispered

“It’s now been marked down to $30 now?” I hurled the first bomb. I was going to be their BFF.

“WHAT?” asked the curly haired brunette.

“WHERE?” shouted the blonde.

I was loving their full undivided attention. I could just picture myself, arm in arm with these two ladies.

“WHERE?” they asked desperately.

I waved the catalogue that I had in my hand.

At this moment, I was sure they would beg to invite me to their morning coffees with a coupon, VIP member points, or collecting stamps for the 10th free coffee.

I was going to be their new BFF.

“Where?” they both growled menacingly.

“It’s at….”

“Ggggggrrrhhhhhh…mmmmmiiiiiinnnnn….” The brunette had narrowed her eyes as she looked, as if bewitched by the catalogue.

“Giiiiiimmmmmmeeeee….” growled the brunette.

I was beginning to get frightened. They moved closer and stared at me. I could also feel their hot breath, their hands on my arms and their teeth sinking in.

“K….” I started to say and I started to feel closed in…like a bone being fought by two rabid dogs.

“Aaaahhhhhhh….” My heart was pounding, cold sweat forming…I never knew popularity would affect me like this.

Like a hand grenade, I threw the catalogue over them and I ducked for cover as they pushed each other and rushed towards the catalogue.

The friendliness between the two ladies now evaporated. They pushed and elbowed each other over that last catalogue. As I knelt in the aftermath of dwindling attention, I watched my two targets become enemies as they engaged in a curious graceful dance of Sumo Wrestling.

“You take it, Cecilia…” said the blonde in a menacing voice.

“Nooo, no you take it, Tammy” croaked the cold steel voice of the brunette.

As I shouted at them, “I’m Megan! Nice to meet you.”

“I will then Cecilia!” yelled Tammy as she grabbed the catalogue off the ground and sprinted towards the car, “Thank you!”

“Sure, I’ll SEE you at coffee at Coffee Club tomorrow?” said Cecilia through her gritted teeth as she glared after Tammy.

“Coffeeeee Club?” I called out in their dust.

Then immediately in the world of mums and high school all over again, I saw Cecilia take out her mobile and go on her facebook where she would most likely post some inane random sharing about best friends who should be sharing bones, no giving up bones.

While Cecilia typed furiously on facebook, I slowly crept away.


Cecilia turned and looked at me.

I slowly moved another step.

Then her frown turned to Snow White StepMother’s smile as she is about to give instructions to the Huntsman.

“Say…would you be able to gg…”

Like Snow White, I turned and ran, never looking back at friendship that was ruled by limited stock, no rain checks, too hot to lay-by and the biannual toy sale.

CAMPAIGN THRIFTY SMARTIE PANTS : ESCAPED – Nearly a POM – Prisoner of Malls- I was not ready to be  an extra coupon bearer (limit 2 per customer) or queue placer.



© ELT 2015. All rights reserved

Share Button