**This is SATIRE**
The Tele-Gaffe – 38 year old Cecelia Wards has taken legal action against “ONLY Breast Is Best” Foundation for inflating maternal expectations after breastfeeding her child for almost a year and she found out that he was just as weird as any other kid at the playground.
According to the lawsuit, after she had given birth, a member of the Foundation had visited her and had given her a pamphlet entitled “Why ONLY Breast is Best” and then visited her the very next day to invite her to attend a breastfeeding workshop, where she was told she could expect free donuts and coffee.
The lawyer for Cecelia Ward, Mr Patrick Flip alleged that she was then told during the workshop that only “breastfeeding” would lead to her child developing a higher IQ score and superior cognitive function and hence inflating her maternal expectations and she was also told that she would be “harming” her child if she ever gave him a drop of formula. The lawsuit accuses the Foundation of deceptive packaging of inflating maternal expectations that breastfed children would grow up to be more intelligent than their formula fed peers.
Mr Flip stated in the lawsuit that his client was then invited to be a member of a weekly support group who continued to reiterate the claim through breastfeeding policing acts. She was subjected to weekly breasts check ins, random breastfeeding bra spot checks and formula tin raids. She felt threatened by her group when she had voiced concerns over her frustrations over her low supply and her constant bouts of mastitis, where she was immediately told she was “imaging things as all women can breastfeed”. It is further alleged that she started receiving death threats when she was spotted buying her first and only tin of formula in Costco, she then felt compelled to continue breastfeeding and she threw out that tin of formula immediately.
In her sworn affadavit, Cecelia said that she felt pressured to stay in the group because of the free donuts and coffee and the fear that she would stunt his IQ if she didn’t continue to breastfeed her child or had given him formula.
She is now suing the Foundation for “extreme distress, fear, horror, mental anguish and psychological trauma”. Furthermore, when she brought her child to the playground, she realized he was just as weird as the formula fed kids. He also ate sand, ran around with one shoe, and got his head stuck on a ladder.
The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages and Cecelia hopes to shine a light on the Foundation’s practices and prevent such over-inflated maternal expectations ever again.
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