The Agent was so disappointed that she did not qualify for any of the Tots100 and Britmums Awards even though many lovely people did try to sneak her in, just because she lived in a different time zone. Why is there so much discrimination against GMTs? It is on her cards to organise a petition and march against time zone discrimination.
So in order to be eligible for next year, I am placing an ad in the blogger-verse, well in advance for a UK someone to adopt the Agent, in time for next year, please.
“WANTED : ADOPT A BLOGGER!”
Middle aged mother blogger looking to be adopted by kind, saintly, gently, bottle (gin) feeding UK Mommy or Daddy Blogger.
The Agent does not like to run, so if you’re looking for a jogging companion or someone to take long walks with, then the Agent is not for you. The Agent does need a very secure yard as she is prone to peeping into the neighbour’s yard and “likes to have a look at the party that she is not invited to”. Her very short legs make her a very good looking Clown Act for Cirque du Silly, and her wild foliage will keep you entertained and busy with a razor or hair brush, whatever you fancy. Everyone comments on how well fed she looks with Nutella and how she sports a natural glow with talcum powder.
The Agent is a full time working mother to three children, two of whom are now taller than her and she will be lying if she didn’t say she secretly would love to win the lottery. The Agent can neither confirm or deny co-sleeping with her Netflix. She is pretty sure her uterus has retired though every once in a while, whenever she twinges, the Agent shuts her up with a visit to the Parenting forums – Newborn Section. The Agent does not remember what Date Nights are as she and her husband are officially too old to stay up past 7pm. It is a well known fact that teenagers are in charge after that hour. The Agent has been bombarded and nauseated beyond words by the children’s current obsession with all things Marvel. The Agent never knew what pain was until she had to sit through three hours of fighting and shooting and she still had no idea who the good or bad guys were in the last movie, and honestly she did not care.
The Agent is famed for going beserk at the sign of a SALES display and she was once asked if she could be photographed and put into a company newsletter because she had bought the most number of pies that day (TRUE STORY). She has countless array of worthless stash, from the sterilizer thingy for baby right to the Christmas Coffee Cups she really needed to have last year. She is currently seeing herself to counsel herself. The Agent is coming very close to being banned by the Biggest Toy Sale held every June.
You will have to be patient with the Agent as she is still learning to be a short order cook and she is trying to perfect her recipe of ordering Pizza over the internet. She is rather proud of her lasagnas and pastas. It is simply a stroke of luck that the family is too rowdy for any fancy pancy Italian restaurant and the children will never know any better.
The Agent is an excellent driver, as she is known to terrorize 4WDS in her tiny Getz. Her middle finger is the best driving aid ever invented.
The Agent’s life changed completely when she had children and she would not change it for the world because it has given her a perfectly legitimate excuse to continue buying Star Wars merchandise, watch Star Wars movies and have Star Wars conversations for the next 50 years.
The Agent is loyal, her house is broken and loves to play Netflix, and although she may present some challenges in trying to reach the top shelves of the pantry or the supermarket shelf, she is the perfect fit for a patient UK Mummy or Daddy Blogger with a glitter, Lego or play dough free zone.
Be the Agent’s Hero today and ADOPT her!
If you don’t want to adopt her, then at least follow her on Facebook where she writes even more nonsense and rubbish conversations for the un-initiated. How much nonsense can one spout? That is the question the Agent would like to find out as well.
Thanks Our Rach for the Mommy Tag Game which I completely changed!
I am tagging the following bloggers (whom I secretly want to send Cake to) and begging them to adopt me for next year because I do want to read bedtime stories to them (& you don’t have to be from the UK to play)
(Please hop unto Our Rach for the original questions) :
Just Saying Mum
No obligation to play but Cake will be appreciated.
Disclaimer : This post may change, depending on the whim I am fancying.